


==>CONCEDE

by Ultimatum



Series: "The House of Leaves" Quote Series [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Abuse, Physical Abuse, Victim Blaming, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:14:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3828496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimatum/pseuds/Ultimatum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Scars are the paler pain of survival received unwillingly and displayed in the language of injury.” -House of Leaves<br/>Dave, trust us when we say that we want you to be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	==>CONCEDE

**Author's Note:**

> this fucked up series starts with dave strider (not fondly) recalling his abuse.

[(x)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L18uOjBQD5Y&list=PL4YHdqa7eRSjVidUAH6sO8vWUQFIRwC5p&index=4)

Your name is Dave Strider and you don't know what to do. 

John is sitting in front of you. Rose is on one side, Jade on the other. You squirm under their gaze and shift under their looks, worried that you've done something wrong or that you've upset them somehow. After all, you did _lie _to them about what was happening for like, years. You understand perfectly that if they choose to leave you after this, it's all your fault for being a pussy about it in the first place.__

dave, it is okay! you can tell us  
That is correct. We merely want to help you, and we have no intentions of judging you.  
come on dave you are our friend!!! you can trust us with anything :)

They sound so encouraging. So nice. You don't want to make them upset, you don't want to see Jade cry or Rose furrow her eyebrows together or John bite his lip in an effort to keep his tears in. This is just going to upset them and you don't want to hurt anyone. 

You fucking knew that this meetup wouldn't work. You fucking _knew _the bruises wouldn't go away by the time the flight to Washington was scheduled to leave. You fucking knew that you should've stayed in Texas, made some bullshit excuse to feed to them as to why you couldn't go. But no. You thought this wouldn't fucking work, and it's just blowing up right in your face. You are such an idiot.__

And. Like you predicted, they made a huge deal about your state of appearance. They asked you why your face was bruised. They asked you if you _had any more _. You want to throw up. You don't want to answer any of these questions. You don't want to exist, you don't want to make them as disgusted with you as you are in yourself.__

___John is the first to speak after minutes of silence. He put his hand on your thigh only to retract it when you flinch._ _ _

___ please dave... are you okay? _ _ _

___Ha. Ha ha. Okay. Okay okay okay. What a funny word. You don't even care about how melodramatic you sound in your own fucking head. You've wanted someone to ask you this question for years. For fucking years. But the moment your best bro asks it, you suddenly wish he never had._ _ _

___John looks so sickeningly worried, like he's trying not to cry; it really isn't fair. He shouldn't be able to look so bent out of shape over someone like you._ _ _

___You open your mouth and croak out a reply. It doesn't sound as convincing as it did in your head._ _ _

___ _ _ _

The girls shift beside you. Rose looks like she wants to reach out and touch your shoulder. Jade, on the other hand, looks like she wants to punch something.  
You wish she'd punch you. At least you'd know you deserved it for lying. For causing such a scene.

dave!!! please we are worried about you  
tell us what is happening  
stop blocking us out.  
we care about you!

You look down. Your hands are shaking. Some of your fingers are purple from when your Bro stepped on them. The mottled state of your flesh barely keeps you distracted from what Jade is saying.

Rose tries to calm Jade down, but she's already fired up and your eyes are starting to prick with tears and you hate yourself and you don't want to be here.

we will not move or leave or eat or sleep until you tell us >:(  
it is not healthy to keep things to yourself and thats what friends are for!

You bite your cheek to keep yourself from speaking; they'd hate you if they knew. You don't deserve to tell them.

DAVE!

Jade, please. Calm down.

Jade says something else, but you don't hear it. You close your eyes, willing away the headache pounding at your temples and beg for this to end. You know it won't.

Rose speaks again.

Dave. I know this is hard for you, but we're here to help. Can you tell us who gave you these bruises?

You bet they already know. You bet they're already preparing to laugh at you for being fooled into thinking they care.

i just got a bit roughed up is all  
texas aint the prettiest fish in the sea  
but basically i was just  
out  
and i ended up getting the tar beatin out of me by some jackasses when i was walking back from the store  
nbd it happens to the best of us sometimes life smacks us down on our asses it really isnt that big of a deal 

You're aware that your voice is getting a bit tight, but there's nothing you can do to stop it now.

Do you expect us to believe that? You, beaten up by some random people? Come on, do not try and pretend we're idiots. Do you think we're stupid?

When you open your eyes, you see that John 's still staring at your face, unblinkingly.

You croak out a no i dont think you guys are dumb and try to tug your legs closer to your body. Jade looks like she's calmed down, and although Rose's voice is steady, you can't help but feel tripped up in guilt. You imagine that she's furious with you, even though you know she's not.

Then what. Do you think we'd just let it slide? Do you think we just don't care about your well-being, Dave? Is that it?

A tear slips out of the corner of your eye.

please stop

it's okay. tell us, dave.

You let out a wheezy laugh and remove your shades so you can swipe at your eyes with the back of your hand. it really isnt that big of a deal guys

John rests his hand on your knee. This time, you don't flinch. if you are being hurt, it's a big deal to us.

There's no point in telling them. They're just going to tell you that things will get better, if anything. In a few days, you're just going to have to fly back to Houston, and everything will go back to how shitty it was before. You strongly believe that happy endings are only for good people, and you're terrible.

But you also know that they aren't going to let you go until you fess up to them, and it's not even that big of a deal. It really isn't.

sometimes i  
honestly its always my fault anyway  
i just  
sometimes im a little bitch and bro has to set me straight  
it isnt even that often or anything im just  
please dont be mad im sorry i didnt tell you guys im sorry  
but it really isnt a big deal i promise  
im fine

[(x)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HvBcYilRM0)

Jade clamps a hand over her mouth and sucks in a gasp. Her eyes go wet and you feel your stomach lurch. Rose looks angry, as does John. This time, you don't feel like they're angry at you. 

your BRO did this to you???? why i  
dave this is not good! :(

You quickly let out another sorry before you can stop yourself. This is exactly why you didn't want to tell them. And then again, you gasp out really im sorry before you hiccup, unable to stop the hyperventilation. 

no, no dave don't be sorry! this isn't your fault, it isn't. can you... can you tell us about what happened?

Fuck, you don't. You don't want to. But the words are escaping you before you can stop them. 

i dunno bros always been fucking  
i dont know  
hes always kicked the shit out of me when i do shit he doesnt like you know?  
last week i just got home late  
and he didnt like that which was understandable i mean  
and i was drunk which  
which he didnt like either  
so he kind of just kicked me around a bit and punched me a few times  
took out his katana and stuff and kind of messed with me and crap like that  
but its not as bad as it sounds as i said i pretty much deserved it  
he gives me a home albeit shitty and i disrespect him so he beats me up  
its a fair trade

Rose leans near you, her eyes also shiny with unshed tears. You feel like shit.

Oh Dave, none of this is your fault. You don't deserve this. Nothing you do can justify him doing this. Surely you know that.

You cover your face with your hands and squeeze the tears from your eyes. its fine okay ive dealt with it for years im used to it

That just makes Jade cry harder. 

You are the worst. 

John's hand rubs your thigh, and in any other case, the feeling would probably make you throw up, but this is your best bro. This is your best bro and although you don't understand why he's still touching you (he should be disgusted) you're glad. 

dave, i'm not letting you go back there.

You laugh, your hands still scrubbing away at your tears in a fitful and desperate attempt to clear them. Does he really think it will be that simple? Does he really think everything can be okay? 

it wont work that way john its never going to work out that way  
im fine ill be fine  
you guys dont gotta get all bent out of shape over me

John just shakes his head, rubbing your leg some more. Rose, with mascara running down her face, scoots forward so she can touch the bruises on your face tenderly. Jade, with a hand covered in mucus and tears, touches your shoulder. They're being so tender with you. So kind. And it almost hurts.

Oh please, she says, her voice soft and gentle. We could never leave you in a place like that. And we're sorry for never noticing anything before.

yeah! we will think of something  
you deserve better :(

Your crying becomes worse and they pull you into a hug so tight it's like they're trying to strangle the tears out of you. Your bruises continue to ache, and the cuts under your jacket burn incessantly, but these people have been so kind and loving towards you. Despite everything, you are _so _glad that you have these people in your life.  
With another sob, you tighten your grip on your friends and allow yourself to shake. __

__  
i didnt  
i never wanted this  
why does he hate me  
why does he hit me why does he hate me why doesnt he love me anymore  
fuck i dont  
i never  
i _hate _him__

John rubs your back. Jade shushes you. Rose whispers  It will never be your fault into your ear. And this time, you believe her. 

we will make sure you never have to go back to your bro.

And this time, you believe him, too. 

**Author's Note:**

> aaaand there is more to come in this series. tell me if u liked it.  
> wi nk


End file.
